When Complaints Silence Conversation

“May the thought of this cause you to jump for joy, even though lately you’ve had to put up with the grief of many trials. But these only reveal the sterling core of your faith, which is far more valuable than gold that perishes, for even gold is refined by fire. Your authentic faith will result in even more praise, glory, and honor when Jesus the Anointed One is revealed.” (1 Peter 1:6-7 TPT)

May I be transparent? I have struggled with writing this devotional because the Holy Spirit has been speaking to me about refining a particular area in my life. Frankly, I am wrestling with it. The refining process is intense. It is a heating of material to burn off the things that are not pure. Things that my flesh wants to hold and cling to because it is familiar and comfortable. Choosing to obey God is not necessarily either of those things.

Let me start at the beginning… I thought I was having a conversation with myself. I had overheard a parent complaining about their responsibilities to and for their child. Please understand that I realize that parenting can be challenging. However, this has been a particular characteristic of this person with complaining on more than one occasion. Complaining that the needs of the child interrupted their plans for the day. So talking to myself, I said, “Imagine complaining about something that another person has prayed for and would consider a blessing and not a burden.” Then the Spirit of the Lord whispered to me, asking, “Would this be similar to how you complain about the job I provided to you to supply for your needs?”

That stopped me short for a second, but I am afraid I was a little more like King Saul (1 Samuel 15:20-21) when this conversation shifted. Instead of recognizing the truth of the statement and that this is something that will result in a barrier to the plan of God in my life, I decided to explain why my perspective was right. I inquired, “Lord, I show up every day and treat the patients and their families with kindness, and with all the knowledge available to me, isn’t that what you asked me to do?” The response was, “Yes, you are to do all things in love and as if you are serving me directly, but where is your joy? How long has it been since you have seen your job as a blessing?”

Many of you know that I work in healthcare. It can be stressful, and there are definitely times that by the end of the day, I am beyond tired. So armed with this argument, I attempted to convince the Lord that I was justified.  Seeking approval, I continued, “Lord,  I have often prayed to for wisdom and to show me if I am not where you have called me to be, but I feel like you have not answered me.” His reply was instant, “Sometimes your complaining silences the conversation.”

OUCH!

The Holy Spirit, the spirit of God, living in us, is always speaking. My response can either encourage the relationship and the conversation, or it can silence it. It was a gentle discipline, reminding me that communication sometimes requires me to listen. The first chapter in the book of James, verse 19, gives us this very instruction, “Understand dear brothers and sisters: You all must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”

Lord, thank you for loving me so much that you are willing to refine me, to take me to a place where I will be purified. I know that I can not move into a position  of your calling until I am fully prepared and equipped. Help me to recognize in every aspect of life the countless ways you bless me. Let my lips remember to praise you always. Your joy will be my strength.  Thank you for faithfully offering forgiveness when I am still working to put my flesh into submission to the spirit.  Give me a heart like King David, humble and recognizing your sovereignty in all things. Help me to speak when I need to, but more importantly, help me to listen. You see things I can not see. I trust in your goodness.  Amen.